Jesus: Listen up guys, because of the virus spread, the governor has mandated that people can only socialize in groups of 10 or less. Ten is the limit.

John: So, what are you saying?

Jesus: Well, there’s 12 of you so I’m going to have to furlough three of you.

Peter: No way I’m getting cut.

Matthew: Me neither.

James: (leans in, whispers to Thomas) Do you think He’s being serious?

Thomas: I doubt it.

Judas: It’s alright, I was thinking about quitting anyway. The other day I got an offer from…

Peter: Oh shut up, Judas; nobody wants to hear about your job offers.

James: (whispers to Thomas again) If we get laid off do you’ll think we’ll get a good severance package?

Thomas: I doubt it.

Philip: Hold on a sec, if there’s 12 of us disciples and we need to get the group down to 10 then how come we have to lay off three disciples instead of just two?

Jesus: Twelve plus me makes 13.

Philip: Yea, and..?

Jesus: Well, I assumed I’d be staying since I’m the one who formed the group.

Philip: Well, I guess that’s fair.

Matthew: So, how are you going to decide who to can?

Jesus: Matt, that’s a little harsh.

John: Is it going to be by seniority? Last ones to arrive are the first ones to leave. Like that?

Peter: Are you going to take into account our most recent annual performance reviews?

Andrew: Are you going to cast lots, draw straws, flip a coin?

Nathaniel: If I’m getting the ax I need time to update my resume.

Jesus: I actually have an idea that will enable us to keep our gatherings at ten without having to send anybody home.

Peter: Let’s hear it.

Jesus: We’ll do shift rotations. Every four days three of you will have the day off.

Andrew: Have you run this idea by HR?

James: (whispers to Thomas) Do you think it will be a day off with pay?

Thomas: I doubt it.

Matthew: You know, we’ve got the feeding of the 5,000 coming up next week. That’s going to be difficult enough to pull off without being short-staffed.

Judas: That got canceled. Large crowd, no social distancing, no masks, no hand sanitizer. Galilee town council revoked our permit.

Simon the Zealot: I’m not wearing a mask. I think this whole virus thing is a hoax. I believe the Jerusalem Times and the Judea Post are behind all of this.

Nathaniel: Simon, sometimes I think all you do is watch Bethesda News all day.


James: If we stayed together maybe we could develop a herd mentality.

Jesus: I think you mean “herd immunity.”

James: Sure, that too.

Thomas: Lord, not to change the subject, but can I have a few coins to go get us some lunch?

Jesus: I doubt it.

Ramon Presson, PhD, is a licensed marriage and family therapist in Franklin (www.ramonpressontherapy.com) and the author of several books. Reach him at [email protected].

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