kardashians

Dr. Presson: Welcome back everyone. Last week we discussed what to share and perhaps what not to share on Instagram, and that a photo or comment going viral is not always a good thing. This week we're discussing romantic relationships.

Khloe: Let's talk about Kourtney and her fiancé, Travis Barker. They've been in the news lately.

Kris: What does Travis do?

Kourtney: He's a musician, Mom.

Kris: Well, I've never heard of him, so he must not be very good.

Khloe: He's covered head-to-toe in tattoos, like no blank spaces. What's that about?

Kourtney: Every tattoo tells a story.

Rob: In that case, that dude is a walking Barnes & Noble.

Kourtney: Excuse me, who are you?

Kim: That's Rob; he's your brother. Our brother.

Kourtney: Is that true, Mom?

Khloe: He does look vaguely familiar.

Kris: Yes, Rob is my son. So, yes, he is your brother.

Kim: What does he do?

Kris: Kim, he's been on our reality show several times. So, he's an American celebrity.

Kim: So, basically he's famous for being famous. Like the rest of us.

Kris: Not just that. Rob made news for being in his own disastrous relationship and lawsuit.

Rob: Thank you, Mom.

Kris: You're welcome, dear. Dr. Presson, what is it with my kids and their relationships with emotionally unstable musicians?

Dr Presson: Well, I think...

Kim: Hey, I finally divorced Kanye West last year.

Dr. Presson: And it seems the family doesn't make much better choices with athletes.

Kim: Hey, I divorced Kris Humphries quickly.

Dr. Presson: Yes, thank you, Kim. You're two for two. And now you've rebounded with Pete Davidson, not exactly the healthiest choice on the menu. Kim, you were to married to Humphries for 72 days.

Kim: Hey, that's a lot better than some celebrity marriages. Cher and Gregg Allman were married for 9 days, Carmen Electra and Dennis Rodman for 9 days and Nicholas Cage and Erika Koike for 4 days. Britney Spears was married for 2 days, and Zsa Zsa Gabor's 8th marriage didn't last an entire day!

Dr Presson: Those are some really low bars for success, Kim. Prior to that you had unsuccessful relationships with musicians Damon Thomas, Ray J, Nick Lachey and Nick Cannon; and with pro athletes Reggie Bush and Miles Austin, before marrying Humphries. Do you see the trend? Have you ever considered having a relationship with an emotionally healthy non-celebrity who is neither a musician nor a professional athlete?

Kim: Why are you just picking on me?

Dr. Presson: Okay, to be fair...Kendall, you've dated basketball players Ben Simmons, Chandler Parsons, Jordan Clarkson and Blake Griffin.

Khloe: I'd say Kendall's the player.

Kendall: Seriously? That's hilarious coming from you, Khloe. You dated four basketball players, Rashad McCants, Lamar Odom, James Harden and Tristan Thompson. And two of them cheated on you big time!

Dr. Presson: Okay, girls, that's enough.

Kris: Dr. Presson, it seems that my daughters also make questionable choices with athletes.

Rob: I haven't dated any professional athletes.

Kourtney: (whispering to Kim) Are you sure Bob is related to us?

Rob: I heard that; and it’s ROB!

Dr. Presson: Alright everybody, I have a question for the family, so listen closely. Here it is: Have ANY of you considered having a healthy relationship with an emotionally stable person who has a real job and less than 100,000 Instagram followers?

Everyone glances around the room at each other, making brief eye contact with furrowed brows. All are clearly very confused by the question.

Khloe: (raises her hand, interrupting the awkward silence)                          That healthy relationship thing you're talking about...would we be doing that for real or as a publicity stunt?

Dr. Presson: Okay, I think we're done for today.

Ramon Presson, PhD, is a licensed marriage & family therapist in Franklin,  (www.ramonpressontherapy.com)  the author of multiple books, and a member of the National Society of Newspaper Columnists. He can be reached at [email protected]