Boo

We have a calendar committee in Rome around 45 BC to thank for having the foresight to shortchange February by giving it just 28 days. 

I’m especially grateful this year because February 2022 couldn’t end soon enough to suit me. By mid-February the month was already so out of control, Congress should have invoked the mercy rule from Little League baseball, so we could all walk off the field with a modicum of dignity still left. Instead, the month was allowed to continue into a 28-inning slow grind of punishment and misery that we were forced to watch.

Olympic-Sized Fiasco

When the Winter Olympics began in Bejing on the fourth, February tried to give us fair warning that the month was going to go downhill fast – and not like a skier capturing a gold medal, but more like a runaway train that’s about to jump the tracks near a canyon bridge.

February tried to give us a preview at the Olympics that Russia plays by its own rules. Figure skater, Kamila Valieva, tested positive for a banned substance – a heart medication “aimed at increasing endurance, reducing fatigue and promoting greater efficiency in using oxygen.”

Oh wait, there’s a perfectly plausible explanation for a fit 15-year-old having a heart medication in her system. She had mistakenly taken her grandfather’s Trimetazidine heart medicine. Well, that makes sense. I mean, c’mon, we’ve all mistakenly taken Grandma’s prescribed and clearly labeled liver pills on a regular basis, haven’t we?

Russian-Sized Chaos

Russia has such a history of Olympic-sized doping scandals that a summer or winter Olympics without Russians caught cheating would be as unlikely as a heatwave in Siberia or a vodka boycott in Moscow.

But last month's Winter Olympic charades were just a warmup act for Putin. Vladimir waited until his Russian team was safely out of Bejing and the reach of foreign journalists before he declared war and launched an unprovoked military invasion on Ukraine on Feb 24.

One Russian official declared that the violent invasion "is not an attack against Ukraine, but a liberation of Ukraine." I'm sure the Ukrainian people will be greatly relieved and assured by that clarification.

Calling the attack a liberation is like a rich man divorcing his unemployed wife, kicking his family out of their home, seizing the house and all assets, providing no child support, and telling his wife and children, "I'm not abusing you; I'm granting you your freedom." 

U.S. Sports in the Spotlight

In the NFL, the season finale finally got interesting in the 4th quarter as the Rams held on to beat the Bengals in the Super Bowl. The NBA All-Star game with nary an attempt at defense by any player was won by the West squad in a squeaker 543-541.

Major League Baseball is months into an impasse between players and owners about salaries and the rising cost of chewing tobacco. The continued lockout could threaten the start of baseball season, considered by many to be a beloved rite of Spring along with allergies, tax prep and drunk coeds in Ft. Lauderdale.

Religion and Politics

Thousands of baptisms performed by a Catholic priest who served in Arizona for 16 years are now presumed to be invalid because the priest used incorrect wording on a subtle but key component of the sacrament, Roman Catholic officials said last month. Rev. Andres Arango's error was innocently saying "we baptize you" instead of "I baptize you."

When asked by a reporter about salvation and church membership hinging on the use of a singular versus plural pronoun, Jesus replied, "I said it 2000 years ago and I'll say it again – 'You blind guides. You strain out a gnat and swallow a camel.' "

Former President Donald Trump is in hot water for taking multiple boxes full of highly classified documents from the White House to a Florida storage unit known as Mar-a-Lago. Trump defended himself saying, "I mistakenly took those boxes after I accidentally took my grandfather's heart medication."

Current President and 2020 election thief still-at-large, Joe Biden announced his Supreme Court nominee to fill the vacancy left by retiring Justice Stephen Breyer. If confirmed, Judge Ketanji Brown Jackson would be the first Black woman to sit on the nation's highest court. Oh that Rosa Parks was still alive to see a white man giving up his seat to a Black woman.

On a Lighter Note

New Yorker Juan Hernandez was presented with a $10 million-winning lottery ticket last month after winning the same amount with a scratch-off ticket three years ago. According to NY lottery officials the odds of winning the jackpot was one in 3,312,480. Statisticians say that the odds of a lottery player winning $10 million twice in three years is exponentially higher, but still less than the odds of Rob Schneider being nominated for an Oscar.

Ramon Presson, PhD, is a licensed marriage and family therapist in Franklin, (www.ramonpressontherapy.com) the author of multiple books, and a member of the National Society of Newspaper Columnists. He can be reached at [email protected].